The Search

This is love….

To be able to love is a gift. To love without conditions is a greater gift. But to become love itself is the penultimate gift. When the great Tamil philosopher-poet Avvayar said, “ aridhu aridhu manidarai pirappatharidhu”, perhaps she meant this unique ability that God vested in humans. Only humans have the ability to transcend to this state where you can just be ‘love’. The other day, going through Eknath Eswaran’s ‘ Gandhi the Man’, it was a revelation to see how the Mahatma actually evolved into a person immersed in love for all, beyond personal considerations and expectations. The reason why he became Mahatma was not because he led the nation to its independence. It is because he transformed from a shy, upstart and unsuccessful lawyer into an infectious cosmic form of love. There were and still none who could hate him even when they disliked to follow his teachings.

During a debate in college, my class became curious when we deliberated on the concept of ‘mythya’ (moh, maya or the concept of impermanency of the world around us in Hindu philosophy). Having heard a bit about various things from my father, I was able to point out that when Adi Shankara said ‘jagat mythya’, he did not mean to discourage people from action. He was merely exhorting the aspirant to start his spiritual journey from the realization that attachment to transitory things in life renders the mind a slave to our cravings thereby making the spiritual journey impossible. Only when we shed our likings and dis-likings we can rise above mundane considerations and liberate our self. My professor was curious. He asked for some more debate on the feasibility of living in the world and yet making on the path of spirituality.

The discussion naturally had to veer towards Bhagawat Gita. There is no other source in the world that can spell out the path as clearly as the Gita does. Yet its profound simplicity in making its statements sometimes makes it look simplistic and therefore theoretical. 

Take for example the oft-cited shloka karmanyevadhikaraste, maa paleshu kathachana “ Equal in sorrow and joy, having given up the fruits of labour to me, when you carryout your duties, you are absolved of your karma and you attain me”. It can not be said in any more simpler form. Verbosity is quite unnecessary to elaborate the meaning. The meaning becomes clear when we simply meditate over the words again and again.

When you so give up the fruits of labour and yet remain focused on your duty, something else also happens. You learn to shed your ego. As the door of ego on the path to your soul is removed, you find a luminescence that is beyond description. You find your self in joy and eternal love engulfs you. The state is what we call ‘sufiyana’. Yes, one becomes a sufi. You transcend everything, for you remain in the (as Osho says) ‘now’. There is no tomorrow; no yesterday; only now. You are born and remain in your existence. Jalaludin Rumi, the greatest of all Sufi mystics, put it simply as below:      

     

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First, to let go of life.

In the end, to take a step without feet;

to regard this world as invisible,

and to disregard what appears to be the self.

Heart, I said, what a gift it has been

to enter this circle of lovers,

to see beyond seeing itself,

to reach and feel within the breast.

                                                        - The Divani Shamsi Tabriz, XIII

 There is no one else…

The other day we were at the golf course. In our four ball, one was a pro, two were good players and I was just a green horn. As the game progressed, the three of them extended niceties on me by complementing my strokes and egging me on for better shots. As we proceeded for hole number five, I managed to go OB. As I went over to position for the second stroke, one my companions said, “listen friend, in golf, you do not get fixed with a bad shot. Remember, you are not playing against anyone but your self!”

What a wonderful lesson.

Even in life, I bet it is so. We are always playing against someone or other. We keep telling our self that if we do not clinch that deal, some one else will; if we do not make it to next promotion, someone else will; if our children do not get into IIT, someone else will; if we do not try, someone else will, etc. There is always a competition for something or other. We are always on the run.

What do we want? This is a million dollar question. As we look around we also see that even those who have achieved things out of the ordinary crave to reach elsewhere. Some of them know where else to go. But quite some are not sure. Everyone wants something else but do not appear to be satisfied with what they have got. Why?

Man exists in three states at all times - body, mind and heart.

Bodily needs, in Maslow’s words are basic needs. Food, shelter, clothing and sex. If you carefully look into this barring sex other three abate at some point of time. At least wanting to have something more reduces since it can no more be enjoyed.

The Mind has different needs. Knowledge, achievements, and wealth are essentially of the mind. Depending on the orientation that everyone takes we keep seeking more and more of this through out our life. There apparently is no limit as to how much of these that one can have.

The heart has such cravings that outlive our physical life. Love, esteem, pride, sex and a host of other things that the heart seeks actually shape the way we live.

If we sit down and contemplate that it is our heart that actually controls the mind and body to act the way we do and seek the things that we want. Even the negative traits of arrogance and anger are born out of the clash between heart’s desire and mind’s rationalization. Heart tells us to seek the most beautiful woman in the world. Cold logic of the mind tells us that unless you are the most handsome, wealthy and prominent man of this world you may not get an opportunity even to say hello to her (!). That of course results in frustration. Even in our own offices, families and elsewhere, if we stop for a minute and think we would realize that the cause of anger, anguish and arrogance is this clash between what the heart seeks and what the mind tells.

Bodily needs do sometimes control the heart and mind. A sexually perverted man is actually a slave of his bodily desire. It is just that he does not know how to give expression to his desire. A thief is again a man guided by his desire gone awry. Those who find comfort in swan-feather beds are as much slaves of their body as those who claim to find comfort on footpath.

If we stop for a second in all these pursuits and think as to what we actually need, perhaps we will laugh at out self. We will also wonder weather we actually did what we did for our own self or for someone else. We would wonder if we actually could use what we have accumulated. While amassing wealth is by itself not undesirable, thinking that ‘if I do not do it, what will happen to future generations’ is quite worth a debate. Surprisingly, when we get into serious questioning as to what do we actually want, at some point we end up staring at a blank wall because we do not whom we are doing it for.

The children for whom most of us believe that we actually living for (in the Asian, particularly South Asian context, children’s needs are a predominant factor guiding parental actions) grow up one day, earn, get married and then suddenly cease to be the motivation for which we have been doing things. Perhaps we could start again in the name of grand children but the residual energies that most of us are left with do not permit vigorous pursuits the way we did for our own children.

Alright then, how about the lady for whom we were ready to live or die for? A few years into marriage and you find that what we started out together for actually has transmuted into a grind of the routine, liberally doused with love, affection and understanding in some cases and not so in other cases, but a grind alright.

What about that trail blazing career that we started with? Success after success later once you have reached the pinnacles of achievement, then one day you find that there is a need to step down or aside because it is so shallow as well as impossible to carry on for ever that way. We do not know whether people like Narayan Murthy and Ratan Tata will ever write about this. But it can be presumed safely that if they had found what they always sought, they would not have retired. They have retired because what they have sought is beyond what they have achieved.

About money, business and a horde of other things that we seek in our lives, we can continue to debate. At the end of all these debates we would come to a point where we do not know what else we want. Do we really need something else or are we craving in vain? The answer is actually a mystery. But I strongly urge you to reflect upon Sant Kabir who sang thus:

I Said To The Wanting-Creature Inside Me

I said to the wanting-creature inside me:
What is this river you want to cross?
There are no travelers on the river-road, and no road.
Do you see anyone moving about on that bank, or nesting?

There is no river at all, and no boat, and no boatman.
There is no tow rope either, and no one to pull it.
There is no ground, no sky, no time, no bank, no ford!

And there is no body, and no mind!
Do you believe there is some place that will make the
soul less thirsty?
In that great absence you will find nothing.

Be strong then, and enter into your own body;
there you have a solid place for your feet.
Think about it carefully!
Don't go off somewhere else!

Kabir says this:
just throw away all thoughts of
imaginary things,
and stand firm in that which you are.

Are you looking for me?

 

All through our life we keep seeking things the need for which is not known. We have seen friends and members of the family who are always in pursuit of money, property or career for self and children etc. Being a family man and having children there is a need to earn money to provide for the necessities and comforts of our near and dear ones. No one would call this wrong. But then in the process of those pursuits we have also seen people who have nothing other than these pursuits in their life. Like Stephen Covey asks, in their last minutes perhaps every one of these will wish they had spent a little time with their family and quite a few would wish they had spent some time contemplating the need for what ever they did to reach wherever they reached.

Quite some time back, I had an opportunity to visit the mansion of a businessman along with my boss. I was young and was awe struck by the opulence of the mansion. Crystals, silver and Persian carpets apart, there was so many things in gold (like a huge mirror in the bed room with golden rim) that I wondered how much the man must possess! Seeing me wide eyed and dumb struck, the host asked me whether I liked his house. On the spurt of the moment, I answered that I would be the happiest man in the world if I had a tenth of what he seemed to have. All of a sudden, his expression thickened and face flushed. It appeared he had tears in his eyes. I was troubled whether I had said anything amiss. Recovering quickly, the man said sorry. Later I came to know that both his children were in asylums, one a drug addict and another mentally challenged. His wife had deserted him too. He was making tons of money and had everything that a man could posses, but for the satisfaction of a man who possessed them. The emptiness and pain with which he narrated his personal story cut deep into my heart and my sympathies knew no bounds.

I have not narrated this story to press home the futility of greed and pursuit of mundane life. They are necessary to meet the ends of physical life and our responsibilities in this world. Rarely some of us do get a call and give up everything mundane to be with that which remains at our core. We may seek Gurus and guides to discover the path towards nirvana. We will also debate the merits of karma yoga and bhakthi and et al. There are many who remain worldy and yet unattached to their karma. There are those who seek their salvation through service to others. Like rivers, some of us do find our ways to the ocean.

Many of us know or at least have heard. Some of us discover. Few remain firmly rooted in the ignorance that what they do is all that is to be done. One finds this category of people rich as well as poor. But in the end we all seek to obtain the answer to the question that Kabir asks: “are you looking for me?” 
     

Are you looking for me?

Are you looking for me? I am in the next seat.
My shoulder is against yours.
you will not find me in the stupas, not in Indian shrine
rooms, nor in synagogues, nor in cathedrals:
not in masses, nor kirtans, not in legs winding
around your own neck, nor in eating nothing butvegetables.

When you really look for me, you will see me
instantly --
you will find me in the tiniest house of time.

Kabir says: Student, tell me, what is God?
He is the breath inside the breath.

I will be born again

A stone I died and rose again a plant;
A plant I died and rose an animal;
I died an animal and was born a man.
Why should I fear? What have I lost by death? 

-Mewlana Jallaludin Rumi