The small matters...

It was an amazing dialogue and it came from someone we normally do not expect capable of such thoughts. Oh, I must first narrate what happened.

I was at a dry cleaner's shop. As I pulled out the jacket to give it to him, both of us noticed a small tear at the shoulder joint. 'You must get it it mended before giving it to me', said the cleaner. Alright, I went looking for a tailor in my car. Here was the past middle age tailor with his customary paan (beetel nuts) in his mouth and at that time with nothing to keep him occupied. As I showed the jacket, he looked  at me quizzically first, then at my car. With a sumptuous 'no offence meant' smile he then asked me

 " dho rupaiah ka silai ke liye, pachas ka petrol? Apne  hi haath se siladethe?" (for a stitch for two rupees, why have you burnt petrol for fifty rupees? You could have stitched it at home).

I told him that I was at the Dry Cleaner and of course I had no thread and needle. So would he mind?

"Arre, na na saab. Humara tho pesha hein. Yehi dho rupiah se hamara ghar chalta hein" ( No, no sir. do not mind what I said. This is my profession and my home runs on this two rupees only) So saying, he stitched in a jiffy and my Cleaner was happy. But the dialogue has kept going in my mind for over three or four days.

A simpler wisdom on economy and self help could not have been given by the most prestigious B-School for a thousand dollars. Most of the time we tend to think that small is ignorable and will eventually pay through our nose to mend it with big.

Not just in terms of money but in life too, many of us take no notice of things very small - relationships, colleagues, work, family, children and every other thing around which our lives reolve - we are 'blissfully' unaware that it is the small and most of the time intangible things that actually make us happy.  And like I did, we do spend big money thinking that money makes up for every thing.

'Stitch in time' is perhaps a proverb not for mending clothes but is apt to be followed in life too. The small matters!! 

  

A question of language...

The biggest challenge or rather, one of the biggest challenges in life, is to give advise. 

Just the other day, I was on the bus to a city centre. The young man sitting next to me had a flyer in his hand that read " Do you want to make it big? Learn to communicate first. Contact xyz for spoken English classes." I queried him out of curiosity.

He had completed his under-graduation in arts; diploma in computer programming and a certificate course in hardware maintenance. He could not pursue his dreams of  making into an engineer (at least half of India wants to!) because his father could not afford. He had worked part-time here and there and just then was on his way to another job interview. Yes, he was contemplating whether to subscribe to 'Spoken English' classes or not because at each interview that he faced, it appeared that the job went to those who spoke better English.

Perhaps he was right. Even though I ventured to suggest to him that he may perhaps like to hone his language skills, there was as yet another thought that wormed through me.

Are we looking at English because we want a job or are we looking at it because that is essential to perform both in the interview as well as at the career thereafter?

MDQ (Million Dollar Question)!

Language, particularly English, skills today are considered as important as mastery of any professional subject. Rightfully so. In a fast-shrinking world, where you and I need to work together we may as well interact and understand each other better through a common language. The other day Times of India carried a huge article on 'A question of employability'. The article in nutshell said that societal pressure, inadequate infrastructure, poor quality of teachers and outdated syllabi contribute more towards un-employability than the ability to speak in English.

Every developing society has the same story. Employment is not just a desire, it is a fundamental right. It is just that in our enthusiasm to obtain employment, we forget the ancient adage ' So you sow; So you reap'. Proliferating colleges, huge donations, reservations as against merit in the selection of teachers, poor pay for teachers in private sector colleges, job rather than quality oriented education and syllabi, lack of encouragement to original research and such other issues have a direct impact on the employability of the school and collages graduates that we produce every year.

As I was even suggesting to the young man that he must hone up his language skills (this particular one appeared to need that), I could not help my mind wander into the system reforms that we in the society must look for; ask for and work for so as to enhance our children's employability than merely helping them to speak better English.

Anyone seen the movie 'English Vinglish'? I believe the Japanese enjoy the movie!!!

To be a parent....

Oh, yes! Pink as petals of rose and as soft, a round face in which two black-grape eyes twinkle, soft black hair plastered on to the pate and two little arms and legs suggesting some movement, swathed in a baby blanket held close to your chest that has swollen with pride and bursting with emotion - to be a father is the proudest moment in your life. Not equal to that of the mother who bore him through nine months and nursed him with her own blood, but then to give forth an expression of life its form, well, the feeling is different.

It was seventeen years before when I held our second child in my hands, perhaps half an hour after he stepped into this world. Though the mirth and joy of seeing the little life gazing into my grinning face was unbounded, little did I realize that this bundle of joy would one day (after a mere 17 years) be taller than me and be ready to roam the wide, unexplored world all by himself.

These seventeen years appear to have gone by in a jiffy, and difficult to believe that he was just born then. Bringing him up was as much fun as was demanding, helped in a small measure by the joyous journey that we went through with the first. There are times when my wife turns around and tells me that I have pampered and protected them beyond limits and they are 'papa's spoiled brats'. Well, she is right and I know she is. There have been moments when I did go mad at them and others when I have placed them on my head (literally) and danced around. Much have I denied my wife and self, but to the best of my abilities I provided whatever they needed to go ahead with life. 

I do not know if I have been a good father.  I do not know whether they will be great men or simpletons. I do not know if they would chase their dreams or simply be content with what life gives them. I do not know whether they will love us when we are old or merely discharge an obligation. I do not know whether they will find their true love in their life-partners or they would merely go through the motions of married life. I do not know if they have the passion for living small things and small moments of life or be disillusioned with unfounded aspirations.

But what I do know that we have loved them with all our heart. Through thick and thin, we have shown them to stand for their principles and beliefs; to take life with equanimity; not to spite those with better disposition but to aspire and persevere for what their heart earns for; to care for lesser mortals and to do what they can to anyone in need; to trust their own self and to have abiding faith in God.

Parenting is not for the weak-hearted and let me tell you, if you put your hearts on your children, well, there can be no better living reward. It has not been easy for us, that is to be honest, but then we have two lovely sons whom we cherish and that is the greatest gift of life!  

In the wild...

In the past three months or so, life revolved in a different dimension. As a typical Indian parent, I was into a massive project to find a college from where my youngster can do medicine. Let me assure you that this exercise in India is so complicated and mind boggling (it could be extremely simple if one has tonnes of money or the child is extraordinarily academic in his orientation - I have enough to educate him anywhere but not enough to pay for his seat and  an intelligent, talented but fun loving kid who is quite okay with his studies) that parents go on a massive spin through this time of the year.

Yes, like they say every tunnel has a brighter end, if you persist in your search, we also found the bright light in Ukraine and soon my youngster will be packing his bags for six years there!!

As an individual and parent, my experiences through these three months are so are worth a volume and I intend pampering myself with as much verbosity (!) as I can, soon. Till then, I have some things more to do in the wild....there are woods lovely and dark but I still have miles to go before I park !! 

When you dial for life....

It is an interesting story – the story of a successful young man who turned an admirable social volunteer. While on a trip out, we met this father of the Youngman. As is typical of Indians to discuss in detail as to what our children are up to, we ended up asking the father about his son. Here’s the story:

The son finished Marine Engineering and joined a shipping company that paid him a handsome three hundred thousand rupees plus a month. The youngster sailed around the world and of course made his dough too. One fine day, few years later, he called up dad to say he is quitting. Dad thought perhaps he has found a better job, the brilliant son that he was! The next call the son made was from a remote tribal village off in the wild hills of Eastern Ghats, in the heart of Tamil Nadu. Son told his father that he now lived with the tribal children and was happy that he could actually do something to get them education! He invited his parents to visit him in the wild.

The obviously upset but curious parents went up the hills to meet their son. It was not just the wilds. They had to trek many hours to reach the hamlet where he lived. There were just straw huts, mud tracks and oil wick lamps (only those who could afford it). Children were half clad, elders barely clothed and the smog of poverty and illiteracy was palpable. As they approached the hamlet, they found the minor children of the hamlet rushed up to him calling him by his name. The elder children and adults of the hamlet came out to greet him with the joyful glee of someone who found his long-lost kin! The innocent and unadulterated adoration and affection that they poured on him was infectious. The apprehension and doubt that had compelled the parents to undertake the journey melted like the morning mist! Seeing the joy of those innocent children and realizing how much their son mattered to them, the parents forgot about their worries and indulged. After staying for a while with him in the hamlet and lending their moral support to his cause, they returned back to their city home, elated that their son has done them proud.

As narrated by the father, their son has now volunteered to work with MSF and is setting up camp in Sudan, after a stint of training with MSF in Germany!

Each of us takes our call on life in our own way. Most of the young men that we come across are dialing life desperately for success in terms of money. Hardly ever you come across a parent who teaches his child anything but the technique to dial for more money in their life. And then you come across someone who dials life because he wants to live it! Not to say that money is unimportant. But such callers perhaps have realized that money is not everything in life. When one knows how much is good enough, I suppose he ends up dialing life to seek and indulge in its glory further. To some such realization comes either pretty late in life; to some, never at all. But the story of this Youngman convinces me that there are few who find the call and get connected when young.

The other day my wife was narrating couple of lines from Sri Ramana Maharishi’s sayings:

“There is no conflict between work and wisdom”.

“Man’s real nature is happiness. Happiness is inborn in the true self. His search for happiness is an unconscious search for his true self. The true self is imperishable; therefore, when a man finds it, he finds a happiness that does not come to an end”.

Perhaps this young man has begun on a journey that will demonstrate the work-wisdom connection. The heart will go where the soul wills it to reach. We were glad that we met such a parent who understood the inner call his child has taken and turned into a source of inspiration for him to seek what he must eventually find!

Be the change....

The issue was quite simple. But then, we as humans have a penchant for making everything as complex as possible. While we allow our perceptions and prejudices to rule, there is little space given to reason and logic. In this instance, the issue was about a top floor neighbor sweeping his balcony and letting the water splash over the verandah of the bottom-floor occupant.

The bottom-floor occupant approached the top-floor neighbor requesting not to let the water spill over. Should such washing and pouring of water was un-avoidable, he further requested him to at least let him know so that he can remove the items kept in the bottom-floor verandah so as to prevent them from getting wet. Sounded reasonable. But the top-floor neighbor took offence. He rattled sufficient sabers on the bottom-floor occupant and refused to keep him informed.

He started to wash his verandah daily and poured excessive water. Further he went to the society (association of house occupants in that colony) and complained of arrogant behavior by the bottom-floor occupant’s wife! He also complained of too much noise from the bottom-floor disturbing their sleep and such other behaviors that are un-social. Using his clout with the secretary of the association, he even managed a meeting of the society to which the bottom-floor occupant was called and ‘threatened’ by the society with expulsion!!

All for what? His own boorish behavior and un-couth response to a reasonable request. He also did not realize that civic laws prescribe ‘vicarious liability’ of neighbors that he could even be punished under law. Using the ignorance of the bottom-floor occupant and his own ‘connections’, he berated, bullied and ended up harassing a man who actually deserved relief.

Most of the time we humans are like this. We would do anything to make our position comfortable. No law, no decency, no parity  no other consideration for others matter when it is a matter of our convenience. But when it comes to others, we display three sets of behaviors:

One, when the other persons have no impact on our own comfort zone. In this case, we will ooze philosophy, uphold all the virtues and praise, insist and demand good behavior from everyone else in this world.

Two, when it impacts our neighbors or the people in our vicinity (without affecting us). In this case we will eulogize and exhort them to display the sanest, manly and virtuous behavior. Mostly this ‘talk’ we will do only in the privacy of our own group and in all probability show off to our friends and family how ‘noble’ and ‘humane’ we are.

Three, when something impacts our friends at least some of us will try and help, though still moralizing the circumstances.

But when it comes to us, there will be no holds barred. Rules that do not suit us are vehemently condemned as unfair; rules that can be broken are done so with impunity; what can be manipulated are given to the wolves and as we emerge victorious, the bugles are sounded and our ‘smartness’ in brow beating is celebrated as heroic.

Thus we behave as though there are always two sets of rules: One for you and one for the rest of the world. Funny things we humans are!! A society that has built on strong moral foundations is the house that Jesus said as ‘built on rock’. But most revel in building it on sand. When the foundations shake and distress calls, we blame God and everyone else. Most of the stress that we see around us and in us originates from such weak foundations. This may sound like philosophy, ideally unsuited for life. But when one stops for a second and contemplates we realize that we are at the root of our miseries.

Compassion, understanding, accommodation and civility are the strongest foundations that we can lay for our society. Expecting the faceless ‘society’ to uphold these values while indulging in crass selfishness is like the proverbial cat closing its eyes thinking that the world is dark. There is an exceptionally meaningful prayer (St Francis of Assisi) that I have come across, as given below:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Seek and it shall be given to you!

It was a long day.

The grind of routine reached back-breaking point when somehow the day ended. More than ninety percent of the staff had melted away and the house keeping staff were just shuffling in their shoes for me to get up and go. Just as I picked up my bag to leave, this man appeared.

Like a shadow he hovered at the door step and his face told me that he had had more than his day to cud and chew. Alright, what is it, I queried. As if on impulse he broke down. It was a long story but very clear that there were things that he could not handle by himself in his life. He needed help.

The easiest thing was to tell him to come back tomorrow and assure him that things would be done. But then something inside me said, what can be attempted tomorrow can also be done today. Easing myself back into my chair, I got on to the phone. There were people to be pulled out of their lunch, woken up from their siesta and called back from their shopping. In about two hours there were at least five six colleagues who had butted in, some of them grumbling initially, but by the time the evening wore out to night, the sun of confidence had risen in that man's heart. He knew that help was on, not just on the way.

And surpricingly, the grumbling colleagues had become a bunch of animated enthusiasts and messages went flying, people got into action and by the time the night was reasonable young still, the man who approached had everything arranged for him.

As we adjourned for the night, with only a few loose ends to be tied up in the morning, he parted with misty eyes and the radiance of hope that his trouble was well deep settled. His smile that told us that he was ready to take life on.

Believe me the grind f the day had worn off and our group slept like babies that night.

Life is tough, if you look at it that way. But, friend, believe me that to those who have faith, solutions are always at hand. Remember what Jesus said: Seek and it shall be given to you. Knock and the door shall be open.

Have faith!